Ok, so I really tried to make it back here in time.  However, I slept through yesterday.  I blame the weather that has had me a crapped up lately.  We had storms go through yesterday and I'm pretty sure that troll hides in my brain to avoid the weather cause he's afraid of rain.

But I wanted to come back because there is something I actually did want to talk about.

As many of you know, it's that time of year again.  No, not Christmas (although I'm sure that will be next week.  Or at least feel like it).  No, I'm talking about American Idol time.

Yes, Minions, I have to admit, I'm an American Idol watcher.  Actually, I watch QUITE a few reality, ilimination shows.  Especially anything on VH1.  I don't know why.  It's a sickness really.

Anyway, I watch American Idol.  And I'm pretty sure it's for this reason.  Because I get to sit at home (I'm always down with that) and do something that is usually frowned upon.  Judge.  I get to sit back and watch the train wrecks week after week.  We are often told not to judge ppl, and for the most part, I really try not to.  But we all do it.  American Idol allows us to not only do it, but then we get to voice that judgement by way of voting!  Hell's yeah!

Sing like an angel?  Get the vote.  Have a great performance?  Get the vote.  Really like your outfit?  Get the vote.  Ok, that last one might only apply to the girls.

Forgot the lyrics?  Not getting the vote.  Off key?  Not getting the vote.  Slaughtered that song I really really like?  Not getting the vote.  Sang yet another song by Adele?  NOT getting the vote.

Don't get me wrong, I L-O-V-E Adele, but I am tired of week after week of ppl killing her songs AND hearing them over and over.  Last Wed 2 girls sang the SAME Adele song for crying out loud!  I understand she is popular and "in" right now, but please stop contestants!  This is why I can't wait until they have to start singing what they are given to sing to follow the weeks themes, although I'm sure someone will sneek a Adele song in there.

And don't think for one minute that I think I could do a better job.  Although I would have no problems getting up in front of the crowd and belting one out (for some reason I do worse with small groups so I would blow it in the audition) these ppl can sing circles around me.  Ok, some of them.  I think I'm better than the Micheal Bolton lookin kid.  He's just awful and I'm seriously upset that Adam Brock got sent home and that kid didn't.

Which brings me to the next part.

I know I'm not the only one who sits at home and plays "What are they smoking?"  while watching.  You know you do it too.  It's that part of the show where a contestant does a particularly awful performance and the judges praise them and blow so much smoke up their ass you can't help but wonder what they are smoking.  Like, did they just watch the same thing I did?  Are they kidding?  WTF?!?!  Now I understand that, as Ellen Degeneres explained, that it sounds different in the theater than it does on T.V.  Having an understanding of acoustics and how that effects things (from my musician daddy) I understand that.  But c'mon!!!  There are just some performances that you KNOW would sound awful to you, even if you were there live.  And, by the way, they need to bring Ellen back as a judge.  I'm fine with J-Lo and Stephen Tylor, but Ellen was THE SHIT on American Idol.

So, come this Tues., I will be sitting in front of my T.V., getting away with judging ppl, and voting on it, all while thinking that the judges have doped up before going on and voting for the contestants that knock it out of the park.  By my standards, that is.
So I wanted to check in with you Minions and kinda let you know why I all of a sudden went A.W.O.L. on you. 

Ok, So it wasn't really All of a sudden.  In my last few posts I mentioned that I haden't been feeling weel due to the constant up and down of the weather lately.  Well, that bitch Mother Nature really got a good one on me.  (Mother Nature isn't really a bitch and if she's reading this, I'm really really sorry Mother, but you hurt me.  And you kinda had that comment coming due to your recent action.)

So let me kinda give you all a break down of how the last week and a half has gone:

Thurs., Feb 16:  Woke up with a sore throat that went away after about an hour.  Found my fav eyeliner so that made up for it.

Fri., Feb. 17:  Woke up and could swear I swallowed broken glass in my sleep.  Didn't get all dressed up for date night like I was going to, but still went out because I was feeling better.

Sat., Feb 18:  Oh GOD I didn't want to get up!!!  I felt like someone had sliced open the inside of my throat with razor blades and my nose was so stuffy I couldn't breath.  My head was throbbing like someone beat me with a sledgehammer.  Later I developed some sort of alien spots in my throat that couldn't bee seen with the human eye, but I knew they were there.  Everytime I swallowed I could feel them digging into my throat.  Also, about mid-day my nose started draining down my throat to the point that I thought I would drown in my own mucus.  Late night I started worrying about how that would look on my death certificate.

Sun., Feb 19:  See Sat.  Early morning I bugged DJ to go get me tissue and had a box and a half gone by the time I went to bed.

Mon., Feb 20-Sun., Feb 26:  Feeling better, but dealing with constant drainage.  Pretty sure there is a big ball of phlemb waiting to come out of my throat at some unfortunate, and no doubt embarrassing moment, because I have a constant lump in my throat.  I feel like I swallowed a pill and it got stuck.  Still headachy and stuffy but not as bad.  Halfway through the week the sinus drainage started agrivating my belly and nothing is helping.  Still worried about what they will be putting on death certificate if I die from mucas axphyciation.

So needless to say I have been pretty much bed ridden since last Saturday.  (yes, I realized I should have put a comma after the word say, but I'm too lazy to go back and do it.)  All this is is a REALLY bad sinus infection that has gotten out of control, but man do I feel like I'm recouperating from the Martion Death Flu.  I have drank so much water and juice that I think I have a phobia of fruit and bland things now.  Seriously, it will be a long time before I can look at an orange and be ok with it. 

I did get a chance to catch up on a LOT of T.V. watching (I'm pretty much up to date on "Justified")  and when I could I did a little reading.  That was NOT a good idea.  First, when I'm sick, I usually don't read.  My eyes do this funky crossing thing and can't focus.  (That's why I wasn't posting during any of this.)  Second, I was reading Stephen King's Night Shift.  I totally forgot there is a story in there that is a companion piece to "The Stand."  Tip: Never read stories, watch shows or movies about the end of the world via virus when you feel like you are on your deathbed.  I got myself convinced that I had contracted some sort of super flu and that I was gonna turn into a zombie.  Had to apologize to DJ in advance, you know, in case I woke him up trying to eat his brains. 

So, I haven't given up on the 30-day challenge, but I think, for the time being, I am putting it on hold to be tried at another time.  I know I can do it, but I'm still not at 100% right now and looking forward to climbing back into bed with something that isn't water flavored and a Twin Peaks marathon.  Check back in this Saturday, Minions, and I will make sure I have something for you to read.
So, if you're a regular Minion, you may have noticed I didn't post yesterday.  You may also know that I have been a bit under the weather lately.  Yesterday I felt like crap.  It's still rainy around here.

Without telling you about all of my bodily functions, I will tell you I am feeling a bit better today.  Tomorrow may be different though.

But am amazing thing happened today.  Ok amazing to me.  I think the angels took pity on me for being sick lately and favored me with a small miricle.

What is it?  I fund my favorite eye liner and the lip gloss that goes with it!!!

Shut up, quit laughing.  You have no idea what I have been through with this stupid eyeliner.  (The lip gloss wasn't a big loss since I know exactly where to get it.)

When I first moved in down here, I looked for my eyeliner in EVERY box I own.  I looked in every pocket, purse, under my car seats.  Everywhere.  It was gone.

So the first thing I did was go online to see if I could rder more, only to find out...dun dun dun...it had been discontinued. Of course it has! Duh!  What was I thinkking?  Isn't that the way it works?  As soon as you find a color you love all the make-up manufacturers get together and conspire against you by taking your color off the market and not allowing another company make anything even close, so you will forever more mourn the loss of your color?  That was rhitorical.  I know that's what they do.  I've seen the secret videos tapes.

Ok, so my color has been discontinued, so I went looking for a suitable replacement.  Needless to say, now own about 12 different shades of purple/pink/magenta/fusia.  I really like most of them, and will wear them, but it's not the same.  MAN!!!! NUTS!!!

But today, while looking for a suitable shirt for putting in an application and doing an interview, I stumbled on...yep, my eyeliner!  Catch of it is, I LOOKED THERE ALREADY!!!!  Like 4 times! 

This is one of those things that, for the last 3 1/2 months, has been driving me absolutely bonkers.  I mean, it wasn't so much that it was gone, it's WHERE did it go?  Where has it been all this time?  I'm convinced that the same portal that produces livestock on my porch swallowed up my eyeliner and has now spit it back out.

Well, for whatever reason, it's back, with the lip gloss as a bonus, and since date night is tomorrow, I know what color I will be wereing.  (However, I am still convinced that some higher power is biding time before stealing the next thing to have a laugh at my expence.  Oh, that and I still haven't found my eyedrops.  I know, beggers can't be choosers.)  Tomorrow I will be back to my beautiful self.  Even if it rains.  And if it does, I will be the best looking, eyeliner/lip gloss wearing sick person there is.

So there!
Merry V-Day!!!  Here's my Valentine to you:
These are the V-Day hearts I made that I would have handed out if my day hadn't started like crap...yesterday.

Warning:  I'm about to give you TMI!

Yeasterday morning I woke up with the worst case of craps.  Ok, maybe I've had worse, but they were pretty bad.  Anyone who has endomitriosis can sympathize.  Needless to say, they are pretty dibilitating AND this is my 3rd "girl time" in the last month.  Any girl (endo or not) knows, if it's a bad time for Aunt Flo to visit, she will.  It's like a girl law of nature.

Ok, so I took some meds and DJ rubbed my back where the cramps were pulling.  I started to feel better, but was still kinda blah.  But I felt well enough to run up to the corner and get my daily Slurpee.  On my way to my car, I stopped and checked the mail.  And guess what?  I found out that the registration on my car had expired 2 MONTHS ago!  I have been driving illegaly for 2 months.  CRAP!!!  Since I knew this, I changed route and went back into the house where I asked DJ to take me because, had I known, I wouldn't have driven my car all this time and I sure wasn't going to drive it now.  I have been very lucky up to now.  I know when NOT to push my luck.  (This might also say something about my driving skills because I hadnt even been pulled over for my tags.  I have done nothing to bring myself to the attention of the cops.)

Needless to say, my plans for handing out my V-Day hearts was now a bust.  I guess that's ok.  I will just put them away for next year.  It will actually give me some time to make more so next year I will have a slew to hand out.

So early this morning it started raining.  If you read my post from a few days ago, you might remember I told you about how when it rains (and gets cold) my sinuses act up.  Yeah I woke up this morning, not only in pain from girl time, but now that damn troll that likes to hurt me in my sleep threw broken glass down my throat and then climbed into my ear so that he could make his way to my brain with his pitchfork again.  One of his favorite activities.  At least, that's what I think.  I feel like absolute shit!  Even if my car were legal, I don't think I could hand out valentine's anyway.  I'm having trouble just staying upright.  I can't really talk and (from all the mucus drainage) I feel like I need to throw up some froth.


Wether I bitch and moan or not, I have been online almost all day.  I have been reading all about the wonderful days everyone else has been having.  All the things that ppl have been doing for their loved ones and how apreciative ppl are of others.  Wether those others are significant others, husbands, wives, BFs, GFs, kids, parents or just plain ole friends.  You know what?  This makes me feel better.  To hear about ppl being nice to each other, at anytime of year, always makes me feel better.

So I wanted to send you, Minions, a wish of a very Merry V-Day.  I hope you all had wondeful days or were able to find some sort of joy in the day!  If you didn't have a Valentine, consider me yours.  Because I will be considering all of you, mine!
So I'm a HUGE fan of Firefly.  If you're not familliar with Firefly, let me break it down for you.

Sometime in the future there is a war between the Alliance and the Replublic.  The Alliance wins and now everyone is controlled by this super power that is made up when China and America combine.  Everyone speaks Chinese-English or English-Chinese.  Basically everyone knows both languages.  Oh and Earth no longer exists.  It is Earth-that-was, so it existed at one time.

Anyway I always wondered why it was China that combined.  I mean, I understand that today China is a huge power as far as industry goes, but I always thought that if we were to combine with another country it would be Japan.  That if we were gonna war with another country that MIGHT be able to take us over it would be them.  You know, all that pent up resentment from beating them in WWII and all.  That and cause I figure they are just bidding their time until they pull out the big guns and kill us with weapons their genius electronical brains came up with.

I get it now.  I know I am wrong.  Japan will never get the chance.  Why?  Because apparently they are going to be demolished by a plethora of giant monsters.  Godzilla, Gamera, Mothra, Gaos, etc. 

While recouping last night I had a marathon of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) and watched all the Gamera episodes.  I didn't even know these movies existed.  Gamera is this giant prehisotric flying turtle monster who has a soft spot for kids.  Sound familliar?  Yep these are a blatant rip-off of Godzilla, but not my point.

What I'm curious to know, and what Japan needs to watch out for, is where the heck are all these ginormous monsters hiding?  I know Japan is a fairly large place, but if you take all the monsters from both the Godzilla and Gamera series, Japan isn't THAT big.  So where are they hiding?  And why do the Japanese cheer them on when their city is bieng destroyed in these monster battles?  Do they knot know this will be their downfall?  Sooner or later they will run out of money to rebuild and they will lose it all.

Now armed with that knowledge I now understand why China combines with us.  Because, in the future, Japan does not exist.  Hell, Earth doesn't exist.  I figure these monsters that the Japanese couldn't contain destroyed Japan and then moved on to the rest of the world.  It also explains why Earth doesn't exist and why everyone lives out in space or has been relocated to other worlds.  Because they HAD too.

You're welcome Joss Weaton.  I just explained the part of the story you never did.
Another short post today.

The temperature dropped big-time last night.  Everytime that happens my nose stuffs up and I get all congested.  I woke up this morning to what I'm sure was a troll going at my brains with a pitchfork.  Now I can't stop blowing my nose (there seems to be an endless supply of snot) and coughing.  I'm waiting for my lungs to make an appearance, I'm coughing so much.

Needless to say I don't feel good.

I already ate some soup and now I'm going bak to bed.  Not that I ever really got out of it today.  When I woke up 27 Dresses was on T.V. an I didn't have the energy to change it.  Not even when When In Rome came on after it.  So I layed in bed and watched rediculous romantic comedies.  If you know anything about me you know that that is just torture.  Thank goodness DJ woke up and took over the T.V. and saved me from myself.  So that's it.  I'm off till tomorrow.
I don't feel like writing today.  It's not that I don't have any stories to tell, I do.  I'm just not in the mood.  Maybe it's because I'm still busy working on these V-Day hearts.  Maybe because I'm pretty sure the Sandman snuck into my room last night and once again implanted razor blades into my bones.  Damn Sandman.

But for whatever reason, I don't feel like it.

I got a bunch of stories in my head, but when I sit down to write 'em out, I just don't feel like it.  It's not writer's block, per say, just don't feel like sitting and looking at the screen.  I would rather be watching reruns of Friends that I have seen 40 times already.

And it's not just writing.  I just feel like being lazy today.  Don't feel like cooking, cleaning, driving...moving.  It's too much effort today.  Today I just feel like sitting on the bed, crocheting hearts and waiting for the ants to crawl by (which I haven't seen in a few days.  Maybe we got rid of them?  Let's all hope.)

Because of all this, you, Minions, get a boring post.  But since I'm sure you have all felt like I do, and taken lazy days yourself, that is what I'm doing. 

I warn you though, if you have any complaints, please feel free to adress them with me.  Of course, I'm lazy today so don't expect a reply.   Or if you do...don't expect it to be that well thought out.  Cause I'm to blah for that today.
Mommica, I have faith that you will keep Lil Miss from this post until after V-Day because I am about to give away a suprize.  (I got one for Lil Lady too!)

Ok, with that out of the way, let's move on.

So with Valentine's Day coming we are once again being bombarded with all kinds of Vanentine themed things.  Buy Russel Stover candies, Every kiss begins with Kay, FTD will deliver anywhere, blah blah blah, mushy mushy mushy. 

Click, click, ka-BOOM, glop!  (Yep, that's what it looks like when someone blows their brains out on a blog

So this year with all the V-Day advertising going on it's no suprise that it's hit my Facebook wall also.  In the form of jokes, pics and whatever else.  But the good thing about having your own wall is you can (kinda) control what is on it.   One of the things on my Facebook wall is a fan page fora T.V. show called Knit & Crocet Now.

One of the thins they put up was for a free pattern (with tutorial) by Cherry Heart, a craft blogger.  She discovered how to make these wonderful little granny square hearts.  They are real easy to make (once you get past the difference between British and English terms.  There is a key for that).  It took me a few tries at first because of the difference in terms and my first 2 attempts ended in frogging the whole thing and starting over.  But as soon as I figured out where I went wrong, I was good.

One thing I didn't take into account was my OCD.  I am totally ADDICTED to making these now.

I made a couple to send to Lil Miss.  I put magnets on the back so she can take one (or both) to school to hang in her locker or put on the fridge.  I also bought some ribbon that I'm gonn add just to make 'em cuter.  As if that's possible. 

So look what I made.
It's not exactly the best pic, since my camera works AWSOME when it wants to be, but never when I want it too.  You get the point though.

So when it comes to V-Day, I'm a cinic.  It wasn't so bad when I was married, but before and after suck!  But I try to stay optimistic and not kill anyone else's fun.  Problem is, I usually fail miserably.  So this year I have decided to do something about it.

Since I can't stop making these things (each one only takes about 5 minutes) and I have extra ribbons and magnets, I am going to go out and hand them to strangers.  Probably by leaving them under windsheild wipers or sticking them to mail boxes.  You know, a secret-Cupid kinda thing.  Not because I'm shy, but because I think random kindness from unknown strangers is the BOMB! 

Why am I gonna give them away though?  Cause 1) Everyone could use a lil love on V-Day, 2) It will make me feel good to give something away that might make someone's day, & 3) What the hell am I going to do with 100-thousandy hearts laying around the house?!?

But I gotta give credit where it is due.  If you want to make these yourself, I posted the link above, but I will also post it here.

And now I'm off to work more on my new obsession.
While looking for new things to watch on my Netflix instant player, I found out that they now offer the show How It's Made for instant viewing.  Now personally I don't care for this show.  It's boring.  I like the concept, but they really need to do something about the tone of the show.  Each time I watch it I think of being in the fourth grade and having the teacher show a vidoe that is so outdated it put the class to sleep.

But a friend of mine had said they did an episode about how they make Slurpees.  I already know how they make them, but being the addict that I am I'm interested to see this episode.  So I scanned threw the episode list and what each episode is about.  After I was done I could only think to myself, "Does anyone really need to know HOW that is made?  Isn't it self-explanitory?"  After that I thought, "I could save a lot of ppl a lot of time and just tell 'em."  So that's what I'm gonna do.

I went back through the list and wrote down some of the things and I'm gonna help you out here so if you want to skip that episode you can.  Trust me, you'll thank me for it.  'Cause if you watch, you will nevver be able to get that time back again.

S1/E3 - Toothpicks:  They cut trees up really small.
S2/E1 - Cranberries - Not made.  They are grown.
S2/E8 - Fresh Cut Flowers:  Go out to your garden.  Take sissors.  Cut flowers.
S2/E12 - Chicken:  Hatch egg.
S2/E14 - Mail:  Write a letter, put in envelope, add stamp.  Also Eggs:  Own chiicken.
S3/E9 - Yule Logs: Cut up a Yule tree.  Burn around Christmas time.
S3/E26 - Wax Crayons:  Melt wax.  Add dye.  Cool wax.
S4/E4 - Frozen French Fries:  Cut up potato.  Freeze.
S4/E7 - Crayons:  (Really?!?  See S3/E26.  Are crayons really that popular?)
S4/E24 - Fur coat:  Get dead animal hide.  Sew together.  (It's not rocket science.)
S5/E12 - Bacon:  Kill pig.  Slice. (Do we care HOW it gets on our plate?)
S7/E2 - P:  Umm...drink fluids and wait.  (I suspect this is a Netflix mistake and they just didn't put in the whole word.  At least I hope so.)
S8/E4 - Hurricane:  We don't make them.  Mother Nature does.  (And if you try to take credit for making it she will throw a tornado or some other NATURAL disaster at you.

See that list?  It's long.  I just saved you a lot of time.  But there were some on the list that I though maybe ppl WOULD want to see how they are made. 

S1/E3 - Beer:  You have to watch this or you aren't American.
S1/E21 - Fireworks:  Who doesn't want to know how to make explody things?
S2/E12 - Video Games: Ok, this is just interesting.
S4/E22 - Motorcycles:  American Chopper did well so I guess ppl like to see them made.
S5/E1 - Cheesecake:  It's frickin' CHEESECAKE!!!  Who doesn't love cheesecake.
S8/E2 - Corn Whiskey:  I went to the Jack Daniel's distillery once and thought it was pretty cool.  And you all know you wanna be like me.
S8/E2 - Tequila:  Maybe they will explain why Tequila comes with a built in story.  Cause EVERYONE who has ever drank it has a tequila story.

There you go, Minions.  You're welcome.
Ok, Minions, enough with the serious stuff for now.  Back to business.  (If you don't know what I'm talking about, go read this and then come back.)

Today I'm going to teach you something.  Yep, I'm going to inlighten you.  We will call our lesson:

Slurpee 101: The Difference Between Slurpees ans Slushies with Professor Sonja

Let's get started now.  Shall we?  I'll start with my qualifications.
What You see, to your right, is a picture of what is known as "The Big Red Cup."  Or more specifically, MY big red cup.  This is a monster of head bashing proportions that holds 52oz. of Slurpee goodness.  And I drink one every day.  I welcome diebetes as long as I get my fix.  If I do not get my daily Slurpee (even if it is a small one) I do get withdrawls.  Like, "Get me a Slurpee or I will hit you with my big red cup," type withdrawls.

Also, I have worked with both slurpee and Slushie machines and understand how to diagnose issues with them.

I do not in fact have a PhD in Slurpees, but if the University of 7-11 was ever to give one to someone, I'm sure it would be me. 

So let's get on with the lesson and quit second guessing my ability to tell the difference.

The difference between Slurpees and Slushies is actually quite simple.  But not everyone knows it.  The difference comes in how they are made.  But totally affects the supiriority.

Slurpees are made by taking some sort of beverage (pop/soda, fruit punch, iced tea) and freezing it WHILE constantly sturring it.  By doing this it is the actual substance that is being frozen.

Slushies are shaved ice with flavoring (cherry, grape, fruit punch) added AFTER the ice is frozen.  Slushies are also constantly stirred, but unlike Slurpees, Slushies do not have to go through a defrost cycle. 

Why?  They don't need it. 

Slurpees go through a defrost cycle so that large chunks of ice do not form.  They are then refrozen and returned back to their Slurpee state.  Since Slushies ARE ice to begin with, they don't need to go through this cycle.  Not to mention the fact, that no one gives a crap, because Slushies suck.  Once you drink all the flavoring out of your glass (because it is ON your Ice and not the actual ice it goes to the bottom of the glass) you are left with a glass of shaved ice and no flavor and, usually, with throw it out after only drinking half of it anyway.  Although Slurpees also have liquid at the bottom of the glass, the ice that remains is still flavored by whatever was used to creat it.  Because it was made out of it.

Slushies are used on Glee to throw in the faces of the singing kids.  Slurpees would never be wasted in such a fashion.

Let's look at another aspect.  Logos.  Ever see the Slurpee logo and the Slushie logo?  The Slurpee logo is simply the name "Slurpee" in large bold print.  Probably because Slurpees speak for themselves.  Whereas, the Slushie logo is a big-ole puppy-dog-eyed beagle like dog in a winter hat.  Ever wonder why they used a dog?  My guess is that puppy-dog eyes have, for generations, been used to convay sadness.  And really wouldn't you be sad if your product sucked too?

So there you have it, Minions.  I feel confident sending you out in the world with the knowledge of how to tell the difference between the two.  So do me a favor?  Get it right!  Quit mixing them up.  Not everything is a Slushie, just like everything is a Slurpee.  And please pass on what you have learned here today so your friends will know the difference too.

Thank you!  That concludes class for today.

(That will be $300 for the course lesson and $100 for the text.  Will take Slurpees as payment.)