Things I’ve learned in my travels
1. Michigan smells. And we really do have the worst roads. This is not news to any natives, but you never really do appreciate how bad the roads are till you drive cross-country on good roads.
2. Ohio is Michigan spelled different. Seriously. I wouldn’t have known I was in a different state had there not been a big blue “Welcome” sign and better roads. I did have a blast in Cleveland at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame though. And apparently if you are falling down drunk and rolling into traffic you won't get into trouble. The cops won't help you either, but they just look at you and laugh. Thanks cops.
3. Kentucky hates me. It seems like no matter when I’m driving threw some sort of natural weather will try to throw me off a mountain. First it was a snowstorm, then an F4 tornado, then fog. I should probably just avoid that state.
4. The road to Hell is located on I-24 near the Tennessee River. No matter if you’re coming or going it just goes down, down, down. I’m pretty sure Satan sits on those runaway truck ramps and waits for people to drive past and opens a portal to claim those unsuspecting souls. On the Brightside, Tennessee has some of the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen.
5. Georgia speed limit signs and road stripes are merely suggestions. If you are not going at LEAST 20 mph over the posted speed limit you’re doing something wrong. And as much as MI and Ohio smell, at least they don’t smell like pee. What is with that?!?! How does a whole state smell of urine? I’m also convinced that Georgia is where old tires go to die since they line the roads everywhere you look.
6. I will take Michigan drivers over Florida drivers any day!!! Florida drivers will already be speeding, and speed up more just to pass you because you have out-of-state plates. (This is testimony I have gotten from a number of Floridians.) But I will take Florida ppl over Michiganders (with the exception of my family and friends). Ppl in Florida are actually nice. You don't get that additude And I don't know about anywhere else, but I live in an area where you can still leave you doors unlocked at night. It's probably because of the buitl in neighborhood watch in the form of a fucking BEAR!!! Yep. That's what I said. Only there isn't one. There's TWO! Ok that's something my city ass is having tons of paranoia about. But Florida comes with its own tree
frog soundtrack so it’s all good. I do have to say, Floridians complain about the humidity, but if you grew up in MI it’s nothing to worry about. It’s pretty much the same. Both are surrounded by water, one is just warmer for a longer amount of time.
7. I am convinced that the sky color in Pennsylvania is gray. Not blue. Gray. I have yet to be in Penn. When there weren’t storms of one kind or another blowing through. And even if there was no rain in the area I was in, the skies were gray. Perhaps there is a vortex above the state that doesn’t allow you to see the actual sky color. (That’s my theory, at least.)
8. Massachusetts is kick ass! You can yell at ppl and not get shot! Go figure! I don’t think I need to say more. But they also have Salem, which is a really cool place to go. Even if you go in the “off-season” (Nov. 1-April 30) you can spend a lazy day touring the shops and listening to ppl pronounce words funny.
9. Oklahoma ppl are scary. They all have pick up trucks and no teeth and hang out by the tail gates of their pick up trucks after dark watching ppl with those beady eyes. Woo…I just got the shivers thinking about it.
10. Do NOT stick your hand in a bush, shrub, hole, etc. in Arizona!!! They have creepy crawly things that can kill you in under a minute. (I really hate it when things kill me.) If you don’t mind shaking out your bedding at night, it’s not a bad place. It’s hot during the day (this may be where the Tenn. Portal leads to), but cools down real good at night. But even during the day, there is no humidity so 100 degrees only feels like 70(ish).
11. New Mexico is very colorful. The spectrum of red, orange and browns that collide is really beautiful. To see the plateaus and rock walls is defiantly something everyone should do. However, it’s also the only thing to do. New Mexico was very scenic, yet very boring. Still, I would go there to get away from civilization on vacation.
So there you have it. My list. I have been through other states but haven’t really spent much time IN them. If you have other states you would like to comment about (good or bad) please feel free. It’s always good to know what to look forward to when traveling to a new place.