Ok, so I have to start by saying sorry.  I'm sorry I haven't posted in the last 3 weeks.  Let me offer an explanation.  

A few things have happened.  First, I received news that Lil Miss doesn't want to come to Florida for the summer.  She has really good reasons for not wanting to come.  Good enough that I can't argue with them.  SO that means that instead of her coming down here (like I had been planning all along) I will be going up there.  That is fine, but it's still a wrench in the plans that needed to be taken care of.

Second, the weather has been kicking my butt.  It's not bad weather, just spring.  Living on the coast is a bit different than living...well...not on the coast.  Here, if there is a storm coming it may just skirt right on past you.  What that means is you get beautiful, sunny weather with the humidity and air pressure of the world's worst thunder storm.  This makes for bone-crunching migraines.  Ok, the bones don't actually crunch, but it feels like it as I'm writhing around in pain cause it feels like my scull is eating itself.

Third, I have been badly depressed.  Actually, the first reason has helped with the depression quite a bit.  I am about to take my first plane ride EVER and even though I think I'm going to dye in a firey ball of flame falling from the sky, I'm also excited.  I have never seen clouds from the top and hope to get some good pics along the way.  I mean, if I'm not too drunk or hopped up on Xanax.  I have a hard enough time going to the airport when I'm not getting on a plane.  I suspect that I will be the reason they land the plane in the middle of the flight.  Everyone wish me luck.

Lastly, the people who run the site my blog is hosted on decided to change a whole bunch of things around. The things they changed are the widgets and doo-hickys that I use to post my posts.  If you know anything about me you know that I am the most pc illiterate person in the world.  Seriously.  I chose this site because it was the most user friendly site.  It has it's drawbacks in that I can't post personal videos or webcam videos and I can't do that cool strick out a word thing other bloggers can do, but I can use the thing and that's awsome.  At least it was until they changed the format and stuff.  So I have had to pretty much relearn how to use this and I think I got it now.

So now you know why I have been absent lately, but hopefully I have things back on track.

Remember I said hopefully.
I'm gonna let you in on a bit of a non-secret.  I am, what I call, an urban hillbilly.  What that means is that I live in the city.  Whether it be a big or small city, I AM a city dweller.  don't get me wrong, I love the country.  But the country don't love me.  My allergies and sinuses go nuts when I'm out in nature.  Nature trails at the state parks are about as nature as I get.  I don't even go camping.  But put me around the sound of cars speeding down a freeway or a freight train and I am a happy gal.  Give me indoor plumbing!  But...I hate shoes.  You can find me running around barefoot almost any time of year.  And I love my guns.  Although I only own one, it's cause I broke the other one.  And, yeah, I'm a girl, but I cuss and spit and by golly when I got a itch down there I scratch it.  Sometimes I do all 3 of the last things at the same time!  (Cause I'm a multitasking bitch like that.)

And because of this hillbilly blood in my veins, they are called 'skeeters!  Not mosquitoes.  'Skeeters.  And they are out of control!

So I am petitioning you all to help me put a stop to 'skeeters.  These lil buggers (ha! get it?) have been around long enough!  They don't really serve a purpose, other than spreading disease, and I say we can do without them.  Do whatever you have to do.  Spray your yards, swat them out of the air, cover yourself in bug spray and starve the lil fuckers.  You can even light your yards on fire and burn the suckers out.  If you don't particularly like your neighbors yard you can light theirs on fire also and just claim "'Skeeters!"  (I am required to tell you not to actually light your neighbors yard on fire, but I also can't stop you.)

My point being is that we need to rid the planet of these blood-sucking little pests once and for all.  So dry out your flower beds, call your exterminators and buy stock in citronella.  Let's do something about this plague!
Note:  Yep, this whole post was written because I am REALLY allergic to 'skeeter bites and am already itchier than I want to be.  The welts that spring up are really annoying.  Too bad I can't get the bear to eat em all.
Today is Lil Miss's 12th birthday.  Since I have talked about her to you minions (and she reads this blog from time to time) I thought I would put up a birthday wish.

MERRY BIRTHDAY, LIL MISS!!!     (Now stop growing!)
Beautiful, isn't she?!? (Yep, it's rhetorical)
So anyone who has had a kid knows that from time to time they have accidents.  Sometimes it's in the car, sometimes on the way to the potty.  And sometimes it's in the bed.  Especially if they aren't that far out from potty-training.  This is one of those stories.

(Note: Someday Lil Miss is going to read this blog and it will be the reason she hates me.)

So it took forever to potty-train Lil Miss.  We started training her at about 18 months and by the time she was 4, she still wasn't going on the potty.  Not even the cute little kiddy potty.  Nothing.  I tried everything.  I would sit her on the seat and wait for hours.  Nothing.  I would take her in the bathroom when I had to go so she could see what was supposed to happen.  Nothing.  I got her cousin involved (who was 2 months younger and had been going for about a year already).  I helped, she would try, but still, nothing.  

Then one day while we were driving home, we got behind a school bus.  Lil Miss REALLY wanted to go to school (and she was actually enrolled to start in the fall, but she could only go if she was, in fact, potty-trained).  She started going on about how she wanted to ride on the "big-girl" bus to go to school.  Seeing my opportunity, and being frustrated, I told her she couldn't go to school and ride the bus until she started going on the potty.

Two days later she was potty-trained.  

WTF?!?!  That was all I had needed to tell her?  How had I not figured this out sooner?  And had the lil shit just been holding out on me to make my life miserable because she didn't want to wipe her own ass?  Ok, I can't blame her for that last one because, really, who doesn't want someone else to wipe their ass?

Anyway, for the next couple of months we (she) would have regular, middle of the night accidents, but who doesn't.  Eventually these ended too as she grew to wake herself up when the pressure would build.

So about a year after the accidents stopped...she had an accident.  Here's what happened and how it turns out that apparently I pee the bed.

By this time I had separated from her dad (I may have been divorced at the time.  I don't remember) and we were living in a 2 bedroom apartment.  This particular apartment had REALLY drafty windows.  In fact, it was so bad in Lil Miss's room that I had to put a thermometer in her room so on particularly cold nights I would know not to let her sleep in there.  Or crank the heat up so that the rest of the apartment was slightly cooler than a sauna so her room would be just right. 

So one night it got really cold after we went to sleep.  In the middle of the night Lil Miss climbed into bed with me.  She was 5 at the time.  I don't know when she climbed in, but I always knew she was there.  To this day it's like sleeping with a little kicking tornado.  I have actually woken up to find her sleeping ON me.  So when one of her little feet caught me right in my spine I figured out that she was there.  I didn't think anything of it and rolled over and went back to sleep.

Some time later I woke up to a puddle quickly spreading out under me.  How it was that I figured out so quickly that she was peeing the bed still baffles me, but I was up and out of the bed faster than lightning.  Not that I ever took lightning to bed and have a frame of reference on how fast it can get out.

Lil Miss slept through it.  Now too her credit, when she climbed in next to me, she climbed in on the side that has one of those drafty windows.  So not only did she kick the covers off from her constant flip-flopping, but she also had a mid-winter breeze blowing across her.  She got cold.  Peeing, for some reason, is what happens when you get cold.  Because God hates us and linked our bladders to the weather and then gave us winter.  Thanks God, cute joke.

So not wanting to wake her up, I tried like crazy to maneuver Lil Miss so that I could clean up without waking her.  I failed.  While trying to lift her off the bed, to get to the mattress, she woke up.  Which, in hind sight, turned out to be ok because she definitely needed a bath.

Upon waking up and realizing what had happened, Lil Miss, bless her, FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!!!

I mean, you could not console her.  She started crying and apologizing.  Over and over and over and over and over and OVER.  The whole time I'm telling her it's ok.  Just relax.  Calm down.  I'm not mad.  Accidents happen.  Then cam the phrase that got to her.  "They are accidents because you don't mean for them to happen, but they happen to everyone."

Have I mentioned how my daughter is extremely smart?  Even at 5 years old she can hear or see something and pick it apart in order to understand the meaning or logic of it.

Lil Miss:  Accidents happen to everyone?"

Me:  At sometime or another, yes, they happen to everyone.

Lil Miss:  So you have accidents too?

Me:  From time to time.

Lil Miss:  So you pee the bed sometimes too?

Me:  (<---deer in headlights.)

What I meant is that everyone messes up.  That everyone does things they don't mean to do.  Lil Miss was still focused on HER accident, but seeing a way to sooth her and make her feel better I took it.

Me:  Yep, I have peed the bed too.

Lil Miss:  But I peed in YOUR bed.

Me:  So?  Do I look or sound like I'm mad?

Lil Miss:  No.

Me:  Am I yelling?

Lil Miss:  No.

Me:  Then you shouldn't worry about it.  It cleans up.  It's all good.

Lil Miss:  Really?  Everyone?

Me:  Yes.

Lil Miss:  Does Daddy have accidents?

Me: (smiling to myself) Yep.

Lil Miss:  Gramma?

Me:  (controlling laughter)  Yep.

Lil Miss:  Really?

Me:  Yep.  You can even ask them.

This seemed to calm her down and after getting her cleaned up, as well as the mattress and changing the sheets, we got back into bed and went back to sleep.  The rest of the night she slept like a log instead of a mini hurricane, safe in the knowledge that her mother pisses the bed from time to time.  Because that's what moms do.  We allow ourselves to be humiliated in order for our kids to save face.  In order for our kids to feel better about themselves.  We will cop to having "accidents"  if it makes our kids feel better.  And I'm not different.  So now, apparently, I pee the bed.

One of the best parts of this whole ordeal though?  Calling my ex and announcing to him, unceremoniously, without so much as a hello, "If she ever asks, you pee the bed"  and then hanging up.  Yeah, that one had him confused for a few days until I was able to actually explain what happened.  

The moral of the story:  If you have to tarnish yourself in your kids eyes so the feel better, sometimes it's the best way to go.  And if you can bring your ex husband and Mother-in-Law down with you, do it!  Why should you be the only adult who pees in their bed?  ;)
Ok, so I'm sure my regular visitors have noticed how erratic my posts have been.  I have been late or not posting on Saturday for the last couple of weeks.  Sorry about that.  Between trying to arrange for Lil Miss to come for her first visit, talking to Lil Miss every other day, looking for a job, dealing with home issues, screwing up my sleep schedule/dealing with insomnia and TRYING to manage my depression things have been a bit...well...off.  If you will all bare with me a little longer I swear I will get my act together and start posting at my regular time again.  It may take a few weeks though.  

In the mean time...

Last week I was sitting out in the garage having a smoke.  we don't smoke in the house, but that's ok because it was a nice night out.  Since I live with boys who love their air conditioning and I'm always cold, I spend a lot of time out in the garage.  But our garage isn't just a garage and that's where you go to smoke.  No one parks in the garage.  We have a extra fridge out there, as well as a dining table with chairs, a T.V. with cable and my blue lazy-boy.  Needless to say it's an extra room that doesn't have air conditioning so this is where I spend a majority of my time.

So I'm out in the garage, reading The Hunger Games, having a smoke and I hear a loud CRASH from across the street.  Fuck.  I know that sound.  I hear it all summer long.  The damn bear is back.

Sure enough, I get up, look out the door and there is the bear, going through the neighbors garbage.  I have to admit that as I stood there I couldn't help but think, "Why the hell do the stupid neighbors keep their garbage can right next to where the bear comes out of the forest?"  I never have figured this out.  To me this seems like an invitation to the bear.  Like you're just asking for it to come and go through your garbage.

Anyway, seeing that there is nothing I can do about this, even if I wanted to, I go back in the garage and back to my book.  So I'm sitting in my Lazy-boy, reading and I see movement out of the corner of my eye and hear a sort of snuffling sound.  When I looked up, I fucking F-R-O-Z-E!  

The bear, I guess, decided to come say hello to me because what caused me to freeze (and made my heart jump into my throat) was the sight of the bear sticking his head into the garage door and sniffing.  WTF!!!  The bear is a ninja!  He didn't make one sound walking up to the door.  I am not cut out for this.  I got too much city in my blood.

In the split second it took for all this to happen it occurred to me that if the bear came into the garage any more, I am cornered.  Thankfully he just wanted to say hello and when he discovered that there wasn't really anything of interest in the room, he backed out to go find someone else's garbage.  I'm taking this as a good sign that bears find me unappetizing.  Shut up, just let me have this.  It will make me feel better.

After leaving the doorway I jumped up and ran in the house and went room to room as the bear made his way all the way around the house.  It really reminded me of a security guard just making the rounds.  So even though he scared the crap out of me, I also feel a bit better about having our security system out of hibernation.  Welcome back, Henry!  (Please don't eat me.)

(Yes, I decided his name is McButterfur.  I figure if he's that permanent a part of the neighborhood where he can come say hello and make the neighbors shit their pants, then he deserves a name.)
Ok, so this week I purposely waited to post until Sunday.  Cause...it's Easter ya'll!!!  I just didn't see the sense in posting yesterday AND today if I didn't have to.  (And I didn't realize last week that this week was Easter so when I said I would post on Saturday I wasn't really lying so much as not paying attention.)

Anyway, this Easter I am doing...nothing.  Probably just chilling out on Facebook and Twitter.

OH! but here's something for you all.  What's better than a Cadbury Creme Egg for Easter?
Bock, bock, bock, bock, BOCK!
A FUCKIN 5 PACK OF CREME EGGS!!!!  So, yes, you can be rest assured that I will be sitting at my computer stuffing my face with these treats that I have come to love.  (Apparently my first try of one didn't go so well and resulted in my wiping it across the booth at Vern Hayne's, a local restaurant in Center Line, MI.  I was REALLY young, I didn't know any better.)

Oh, yeah, WTF is fondant?!?  Like, I know what it is.  It's the "creme" in the creme eggs.  But WHAT is it?!?!  I'm pretty sure it's just a big bowl of whipped sugar, with some yellow food coloring.  (Gotta make it look like a yolk.)  Well, whatever it is, it is a dose of belly hurting heaven.

Anyway, hope you all have a Merry Easter and if you get too board feel free to hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.  (If I don't respond I may have food poisoning from my eggs.  Hey!  If they don't really come from a bunny, and they aren't really eggs, than I can make up salmonella from eating them!)
The rain got the better of me yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to post.

Plus I was super depressed this week, so I didn't write anything during the week.  For some reason, I can't write when I get like that.  I don't know why. 

Anyway, I thought, since I'm still dealing with some back pain AND depression still has its claws in my brain and heart and I'm leaking emotional sewage, I would share some of my photography with you.  No, I am not a photographer.  I just do it for fun.  And I'm quite proud of some of the pics I've taken.

If you are a friend from Facebook (My personal page, not my fan Page) you may have already seen these.  A few times.  Sorry about that.  For those of you who haven't seen them let me explain a little about them.

All these pics (Except for one) are unaltered.  Any color changes have been made by my camera, not my computer.  Anything else that seems like an effect is nothing more than a trick of the light or an angle.  I have contorted myself and gotten into some very embarrassing positions to get some of these pics.  Don't even ask. Lol.    (The only edited pic is the one of the purple flowers with black and white background.  D.J. was playing with photoshop.)

Click the images to see them larger.  Feel free to use any of the flower/animal pics for yourself.  I only ask that you not copy or use, in any way, any of the pics of Lil Miss.  I will sue.  And if you don't think I can track you down, you are mistaken.  I'm a mean momma bear with LOTS of friends in ALL feilds.  Plus, I'll sic the Hamster of Doom on you!

Just to let you know, not all of them are serious photos.  Some were just silly and I happened to be there and had a camera.  I added them in for you to enjoy.  You're welcome.

One last note.  As I have said on my Facebook and anywhere else, if you know the names of any of the unnamed flowers or plants feel free to let me know in the comments section or drop me an email.   I took the pics, I'm too lazy to look up the names too.
So you have all see the commercials.  If you have used Lipitor and had a heart attack call our lawfirm.  If you have taken Viagra and had a hard-on that lasted for more than 4 hours, call us.  If you have taken Paxil and you or a loved one have tried to commit suicide, call us, we can help.

Honestly, I'm getting sick of these things.  And just yesterday I saw one that took the cake!  It was a class-action lawsuit commercial that said, "If you have taken" (I kid you not) "Tylonol, Ibuprofin, or Advil and have suffered side effects such as ulcers or damage to your stomach lining, call us.  We will go to work for you."

Sounds drastic, right?  I mean, ulcers?  Damage to the lining of your stomach?  NO FUCKING SHIT!  The problem I have with this is that these meds warn you about this...um...on the side of the bottle!!!  I saw a commercial that asked ppl to call if they took birth control and suffered from blood clots or stroke.  Isn't that one of the first things we are told when we start taking these?  If not from the doc prescibing them then from the pharmacist.  I was told.  And in addition I was given a sheet from CVS, in addition to the info slip that came with every script, that very clearly said these were possible side effects.

THEN, I saw a commercial that said, I shit you not, "If you have taken Vicodine, Darvacet, Oxycoidone, or Percocet, and have suffered from addiction, call our law office."  Really?  Painkillers cause dependancy?  When did that happen?  Oh, wait, a long fucking time ago!  For those of us old enough to remember, back in like the 80's or 90's we all learned that Stievie Nicks got hooked on Vicodine.  I myself have a running script with my doc (due to my migraines) for vicodine.  One of the FIRST things he went over with me was the fact that they were extremely addictive.  And we all know that Oxy is just heroin in pill form.  Ok, we don't all know that Percocet is just a derivitive of Oxy, but everyone knows it's addictive.

What's got my feathers all ruffled is this...I don't think that you should be able to sue drug companies for something they warned you about.  Whether you were warned by the doc, the info sheet or by reading the side of the bottle, you knew.  And they knew you knew when the FDA made them include a list of possible side effects.  Now don't get me wrong, if you suffer a side effect not listed that fucks you up, then sure.  Sue em.  You didn't know what you were getting into.  But addiction to painkillers?  Liver problems from Ibuprofin?  Duh!

I just think that these law offices are going a LOT overboard when they start sueing the makers of Tylonol.  Tylonol has been around since 1953.  I think if the company should be sued, it would have happened by now.  But since we live in a sue happy world, now the lawyers are trying to cash in on it.  I agree that there is a increase in perscription drug use, but when you start going after something that is sold over-the-counter that anyone can buy, you're pushing it.  It is obviously safe enough to not need a script.  Right now I have a bottle of asprin and a bottle of ibuprofin sitting next to me.  They both have all the possible side effects listed that the commercial was siting as reason to sue.

Lawyers, stop already!  It's gotten out of control.  Sue a drug company because you took Amoxicillin and your baby was born with 3 eyes.  Or because you took Xanax and it made you vomit blood.  Hell, I'm even cool with sueing Tylonol...if it makes your skin fall off.  Until those things happen, stop with the lawsuits.  Or at least stop with the commercials.  I'm afraid for the life of my T.V.  I may have to kick the screen out next time I see a
When I was younger, my Gram used to knit me slippers.  I L-O-V-E-D them!  When I would start to grow out of the pair I was wearing I would call her up and the next day I would have a new, bigger pair the next day.  Gram taught me how to knit, but I never did get the hang of knitting with round needles.  I know how, put because of the way I hold my needles it's pretty much impossible for me to do.  Now my arthritis is bad enough that I have all but given up on knitting.  But due to these handy dandy handles I have picked up crochet.  Over the years I have tried and tried to make slippers by looking up patterns and trying to make them.  Baby booties seem to be no problem, but when it comes to my own foot...AHHHHH!!!  I just want a pair of yarn slipper to reclaim that old feeling of Gram's Slippers.  Every time I try though, either I misunderstand the instructions, They don't come out to be the right size, or I just fuck it up to the point of not knowing what I did wrong.

So I made my own pattern. 

This was not an easy thing.  I toook quite a bit of trial and error...but, I got it!  At least for my foot.  But I realized something while I was making this pattern.  My OCD is a bitch and makes projects take a lot longer than necessary.

So, I am going to share my pattern with you all.  For those of you that crochet, it should be easy enough to follow.  For those of you who don't crochet, well, you won't understand a bit of it.  But I am going to include some special instructions for those of you suffering with OCD.

So here they are:


These instructions are for a slipper to fit a size 6-7.

I used yarn that is worsted weight 3 (light) and a size G(6) crochet hook.  I used Red Heart TLC Baby Neapolitan.

Things you will need:  yarn, hook, stitch marker (if you wish to use one) and a yarn needle
Extra things for OCD ppl: Paper and a pen or row/stitch counter

Ch 2's will NOT count as stitch.  They are just there to move on to the next row.

1) Ch 15
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD: Use pen and paper and write numbers 1-41 on it.  This will be used to keep track and cross off rows as they are finished.  You know you will be to busy counting stitches to keep track of rows.  (You can use a row counter instead if you want.  Ch over and over until each ch is uniform and exactly the same size.  Do not stop until this is accomplished.

2) Row 1: hdc in 3rd ch from hook; hdc in next 11 ch; 7 hdc in next ch; (Working on underside) hdc in next 11 ch; 5 hdc in last ch; slst to first st. (36)
3rd ch from hook
Work on underside
Non-ODC: Move on to step 3.
OCDers:  Wrack your brain trying to figure out how this is possibly the best way to go when you have 7 st in one side and 5 in the other.  Contimplate putting 6 in each side insdeat because that would make it even and settle your brain.  Try to let it go and move on to the next step.  Trust me here.

3) Row 2: Ch 2; turn; 1 hdc in each st around; slst in first st. (36)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
ODC:  Count and re-count your stitches to make sure you have 36.  I suggest doing this 3 times.

4) Row 3: Ch2; turn; 1 hdc in first 14 st; 2 hdc in next st; 1 hdc in each of next 2 st; 2 hdc in next st; 1 hdc in next 14 st; 2 hdc in next st; 1 hdc in next 2 st; 2 hdc in last st; slst in first st. (40)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD: Give up trying to figure out is 6 stitches in each ch (from step 2) is the best way to go and be happy you are at an even 40 st.  Re-count 3 times.

5) Row 4-21: Ch 2; turn; hdc in each st around; slst in first st. (These rows will be worked to make rounds.) (40)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD:  Count and re-count st.  Go back every now and then and re-count rows.  Just to be sure.  (read: becuse you can't help yourself.)
Slst will allow for you to creat a "tube" (Forget about how badly I need a manicure. In fact, forget you even saw my finger here.)

6) Row 22: Ch 1 (don't turn); on inside of work, slst in next 9 st; Ch 2; turn; hdc in each st around.  Do NOT slst at end of row.  Last st will be in same st as last (9th) inside slst. (40)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD: FREAK the hell out because you slst in 9 st and not an even 10.  When you finish all 40 sts, freak out again because it doesn't look like you ended row in the middle of the work.  Take deep breaths until you calm down.  Trust me here.  I'm the one who came up with this pattern.  It will all work out.
Slst on inside of work. (An even 4 st is pictured here. You're welcome OCDers.)

7) Rows 23-37: Ch 2; turn; hdc in each st. Do not slst at end of each row.  (These rows will be worked back and forth to make a "flat" piece.)  (40)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD:  Continue to count and re-count sts/rows because it just doesn't look right when you get to a certain st/row number.  Have a drink to help calm down about stopping on an odd row number.
When you finish row 37 your work should look like this. Minus the yellow tint my crappy camera puts in almost every pic.
8) Row 38: Ch 2; turn; hdc in each of first 12 st; s2tog in next 16 st (8s2tog); hdc in each of last 12 st.  (32)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD: Calm down, this will form the heel of the slipper.  And look, it's still even sts. 

9) Row 39: Ch 2; turn; hdc in each of first 12 st; s2tog in next 8 st (4 s2tog); hdc in each of last 12 st. (28)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD:  Go back to counting and re-counting your stitches because you now keep "losing" st from the work folding on you.  Pop a Xanax.

10) Row 40: Ch 2; turn; hdc in each of first 12 st; s2tog in next 4 st (2s2tog); hdc in each of last 12 st. (26)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD: Wrack your brain trying to figure out if this will actually work to make a heel.  Try slipper on before it's finished to help convince yourself that it will fit once completed.  Wait for Xanax to kick in.

11) Row 41: Ch 2; turn; hdc in each of first 12 st; s2tog in next 2 st (1 s2tog); hdc in each of last 12 st.  Pull loop on hook so it is large and remove hook.  Do not fasten off, you will pick this loop up again later.  (26)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD: Realize all your freaking out was for nothing because now you can see how the heel is formed.  Instead freak out because you ended on an odd numbered row.  Go take a nap and come back to it later.
Large loop. You will set this aside for next step.
12) Turn heel inside-out.  Working on the inside of the heel, fasten a long, spare piece of yarn to st #13.
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD:  Count and re-count stitches to make sure you have the right stitch and that it is, in fact, in the middle of the work.
Spare piece in 13th st. (Again, forget yellow tint.)
13) Working on the inside of the heel, and using a yarn needle, lace spare yarn to top of slipper (including st that will be completed with long loop) and tie ends together.  Trim ends of lacing yarn and sew into slipper or st over them in next step.
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD: Make sure you pull both ends of yarn evenly so that there is no puckering or scrunching.  Then spend half an hour trying to decide whether you want to sew in ends or stitch over them.  Weigh the pros and cons of each, make a list if you need to, to figure out which way will make the perfect slipper.
Needle is in st where long loop is at.
Work should look like this after you tie off the ends of spare yarn.

14) Pull long loop to shorten and pick up with hook.
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD:  Make sure loop is the proper size and the same as every other loop that has been made so far.  Pull and re-pull until you are satisfied with loop size.

15)  Ch 2; starting on inside of "foot hole" hdc 40 st around opening of slipper; slst to first st.  (You will be working in "rounds" again.) (40)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD: Make sure that your first 20 st end in the exact middle of opening.  Pull stitces out and re do until you get it to the middle with 20 st.  Pray that the next 20 will end you where you started.  Cry when it doesn't.  Go back to begining of step and do all over again until you get it "right."
Working on inside of slipper opening. (Shut up, not every pic has a yellow tint.)
16) Ch 2; turn; hdc in each st around;slst to first st.  Repeat until you reach desired cuff length.  fasten off and sew in end. (40)
Non-OCD: Move on to next step.
OCD:  Look at finished product and frog the whole thing when you realize you have been so worried about stitch count that you didn't pay attention to your tention the whole time and 2 st back in row 18 aren't the same exact size.  Take another Xanax and try again tomorrow.
Finished product.
Note:  Depending on the size and length of your foot, you may need to add/decrase number of rows in steps 5 and/or 7.  Remember to make necessary adjustments to steps 15 and 16 if you do.  And don't forget to make 2 of these.  (I really wish I didn't have to write that last sentence, but we all know I had to.)

If anyone has any questions about these instructions or any adjustments feel free to contact me by email, in the comments section or on Facebook.  I will be happy to assist or clarify anything I can.
So over the week I had a few ideas for post.  I even had a couple written in my head.  The problem is, I didn't write them down.  I wasn't at home when I had the ideas.  And I have a bad memory.  A REALLY bad memory.

At one time, after I seperated from my ex husband, I had post-it notes all over my apartment.  I had notes on the back of my front door to remind me to send my daughters lunch to school with her.  I had notes on the cupboards to remind me of my work schedule.  The note my mom always got a kick out of, that never came down, was on the wall, directly across from my toilet, reminding me to turn on my coffee maker.  (Hey, I always forgot to turn the thing on and the first thing I do in the morning is pee.  It made sense to me.  After I hung that note up, I never forgot again.  Now I have a coffee maker with a timer and I just forget to load the thing.)

So anyway, my memory is horrible.  And I can't remember what the posts were.  I do remember that they were really good.  And funny.  And would win me a Pulitzer.  Ok, maybe I'm exagerating.  A little.  So instead I am going to tell you a story that I DO remember from when I was in the 4th grade. 

Have you ever wondered where things go when they are lost?  How one minute you can have something in your hand and the next minute it's gone?  I have your answer.

You see, aliens exist.  They do.  And one of them lives on the rings of Saturn.  From time to time, he comes down from those rings and visits different planets.  But he likes to take home souveniers.  He takes them home with him and puts them on the rings.  Like a shelf.  The problem is...he likes YOUR things for souveniers.  So when you loose something, you aren't going to find it.  The Saturn-alien has it.  Your car keeys are sitting on the shelf-like rings of Saturn.  Your kids pacifier is there too.  Along with about 4,999,567 single socks.

But don't loose hope.  The Saturn-alien like to travel.  A lot.  So the rings are very cluttered and there is only so much room for the stuff that has you going out of your mind and looking in the freezer for something that wouldn't possibly be there.  At some point in time, as the alien adds more loot to the rings, they become over filled.  That's when things fall off.  Most of the stuff makes it back ok.  Some stuff is lost forever.  But when you find a fork in your garden, or, in my case, your favorite eyeliner that has been missing for months, it is because the rings got over filled again, and the stuff fell off.

There you go.  That's my story.  So I hope this story makes all of you feel better when YOU can't remember where you put something.  You put it right where you thought you did.  That pesky Saturn-alien just came down and stole it.  Wait a while.  It might show up when the rings get overfilled.

You're welcome.  (Now stop looking in your tub for your cellphone.)