Friday just started out bad. I didn't quite know it when I woke up, but I had said (during lunch) that my anxiety level was rather high. I mistakenly thought it was from driving in a city where you MUST do at least 20 over the posted speed limit or get a car up your ass-end. I was wrong.
By friday night I was a mass of blubbering blather. By early-early saturday morning I was snapping at DJ in-between hysterical crying jags. By saturday morning...I was broken.
What started it? I'm guessing the fact that I woke up and figured out the day ended in y. That's really the best reason I can come up with. As I said, I thought it was my paranoia of driving rearing it's ugly head. I didn't realize until it was too late that it had been going on all day. I didn't ever remember commenting on my anxiety until tonight (monday). Sometimes that's just how it happens though. Nothing more than waking up in the morning. I'm still not over the funk, but at least the panic attack part is over and I'm functioning again. That doesn't mean that I'm out of the woods as far as the panick attack part is concerned, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I do have to say something here though. I give DJ (the boyfriend for those of you who don't know who he is) a LOT of credit. He is definately a trooper for putting up with/dealing with my crazy ass. Especially since I tend to blame him for a lot of crap when I get like that/this. Some of it really is his fault and some of it really isn't. Eaither way, he trys his ass off to make me feel better. Even when I COMPLETELY confuse him and tell him 2 or 5 different things.
Anyway, there is a positive note! Apparently all that assassin training from when I was younger paid off because I am stelthy like ninja when depressed and having a panic attack. Several times between friday and today I have snuck in and out of rooms (and the house) without anyone knowing. I appeared and disappeared and 3/4 of the time no one even knew where I was. A few times I showed up behind one of the ppl here and scared the tar out of em. Now that I think of it, ppl not knowing where I am while depressed could be bad. Very bad. Aww man, I see a teather in my future.
Next ninja lesson to learn: how to escape a teather.
Thank you for understanding about the late post. I promise this weeks post will be on time, reguardless of my state of mind! (That's what extra admins are for! :D)