So due to certain circumstances (which I won't get into here), I recently had to change phone services.  Usually when this happens, it involves requiring you to buy a new phone that supports that service.  This time was no exception.

If you're anything like me, you constantly drop, fling or bang your phone.  Or, in my case, it ends up in the toilet with alarming frequency.  No kidding.  Lil Miss threw it in the potty one time, on purpose, because she was mad at me.  (I have no idea what she was trying to accomplish, but she was 3.  Not a lot of 3 year olds make sense.)  That was only the first of 4 phone I would lose to the porcelain prince.

Because of this, I am extremely leery of getting one of those touch screen phones.  (That and the fact that I am often to cold for my touch to register.  I have enough problems with the touch screen pc that I did NOT choose.)  I mean, if I drop my fancy $300 phone and the screen shatters (seriously, it's me.  It could happen) how would I make calls?  This is why I try to stick with flip-phones.  It closes to protect the screen from the bumbling fool that is me, but it also has a number pad made of buttons also!!!

So, in explaining my constant ability to kill a phone in under a month of getting it, the saleswoman directs me to the Sanyo Taho by Kyocera. 

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you read that last sentence?  It's a Chevy SUV, isn't it?

That's pretty much what this phone is.  It's big, wide, heavy and clunky by cell phone standards.  It kinda looks like it ate my last phone.  Its made from this shock absorbent stuff that resembles the stuff they make pick-up truck bed liners out of.  (It kinda remindes me of one of those high-end walkie-talkies)  And...this is the best part...remember how I said I've lost a number of phones to the toilet?!?  This phone is water-proof (up to 30 meters) for 30 minutes.  Now I'm not about to test that theory out, but hopefully if it falls into the crap collector (*crosses fingers and hopes it doesn't*) I will find out. 
I know thet're not the best pics, but you get the idea

Oh, yeah, and my phone talks to me.  No, kidding!  It actually talks to me to let me know who is calling, who is texting and what I am clicking on.  Seriously?!?

My actual point of this post is not to tell you about my new phone (that I'm LOVING).  Since I really only require a "call" and "end" button in addition to my number pad, all this other stuff is extra.  What my point is actually about is computer(ish) technology.  And how much it hates me.  (It could be operator error, but I refuse to believe it.)

My new phone also utilizes the internet.  For most of you, this is nothing new.  For me...never had a phone with internet. (Pick your jaws up off the floor!)  To be honest, I didn't even have internet in my home until last year.  I know!  Don't worry, I haven't totally lived under a rock.  I have used the internet before and did have it for a while somewhere around 2002, but as a single (unemployed) woman, the internet was something that was low on the priority list.  However, when it comes to computers and stuff I have always been out of my element.  Electronics?  Sure.  I know about T.V.s and DVD players and stereos and stuff.  Pc's?  Duh..huh..what?!?

Now I don't have a phobia, per say, I just don't need most of the things computers offer.  The pc I owned
before buying my laptop (which is what I'm using now-a-days) was 16 years old before I threw it away.  (Ok, you guys really need to re-hinge your jaws.)  If DJ wouldn't have pulled it apart, and left it that way, I would still be using that thing today.  It's probably better that he did that because it forced me to get my current laptop.  The reason I threw it out?!?  There was none.  It worked fine.  It was just old.  But it did what I needed it to do.  Word booted up just fine on my Windows 98.  I didn't need anything more.  Until I had to look for a job.

When I lost my job I found out real fast that most places direct you to the internet to fill out applications.  Not
having the internet posed a problem.  (At one time I tried to install dial-up on my 16 y.o. pc and it froze just after laughing at me.)  So. I needed to get a pc so I could get the internet.  I went online (from someone else's pc...duh) and looked up laptops.  I figured a laptop would be best because, as a writer, my arthritis was getting worse and I figured it would eliminate carrying around the notebook and pen I could no longer hold.  I was right.  Even though I still carry around a notebook and pen.  Ok, so really, it just changed the size of the
notebook.  Kinda.  I'll never tell. 

I would like to note that just before buying my laptop my girlfriend Amberosia gave me a desk-top that I still use as my desk-top today.  When I mentioned this to her she was surprised that I still had it and that it was still running.  She gave it to me about 3 years old.  After owning a pc that was 16 years old, a 3 year old pc was
not odd to me.  She was slightly less than floored.

From the moment I got on my laptop for the first time, I knew I was in over my head.  It had all these...things...programs???..and stuff that opened when I turned it on for the first time.  All asked for my name and passwords and date of birth and first born and a batch of pumpkin seeds.  Ok, so some of them didn't ask my birthday.  I guess this was all to set up my pc and register, like, a thousand different things on it.  But I got through it and now I am here, sharing with all you good(ish) minions.

The internet though is a monster of itself.  Trying to build a website?  I think I would rather go get all my teeth pulled again.  At least I was able to take meds to deal with that.  I don't think meds will help me here.  It might actually make it worse.  (Note: experiment with meds and see if it helps me understand pc's better.  Hey! It
works with potheads and the universe.  This is the same thing.  Right?!?!)

So, now, I not only have to figure out the internet on my pc, buuuuutttttttt I have it on my phone now too.  I wonder if the phone has some internal safety feature for when the internet fries my phone?  If I have trouble with each of them on their own, just imagine what the two of them together will do!

But I have to say, that in discovering the internet there are some good things too.  I S-U-C-K at doing
internet searches.  DJ and I can both do the same search.  We can both enter into Google, "What does behind mean?"  DJ's results will pull up a definition on how "behind" is in the back of something else.  Me?!?  I end up with a list of ppl's asses because they are "behind"s and at the top it will ask "Did you mean ass?"  I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy against me.

Because of a number of my search results, the Urban Dictionary is quickly becoming one of my favorite sites.  I am a better person now that I know what "dogs in a tub" and "duck butter" are.  No really.  These were things that have come up, and drove me nuts until I searched them out.  (And now those of you who don't know what they are are opening another window to go to the Urban Dictionary to look them up.  Deny it all you want, I know you are.  You're welcome for those little gems, by the way.)

Anyway, I think I'll leave things here with a final though.  If you ever find me dead with a probe somewhere it doesn't was the aliens.  If you find me dead from a brain was me, trying to navigate the internet/pc again.  Now I'm off to work on the site some more.  I will miss you all.  No I won't, I'll be dead.  Feel free to read my online obituary.

(Note: I think this is the longest post I've written.  Sorry.  Thank you for continuing to the end, for those of you who made it this far.)

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