So there is a bear (or pair.  One could just be a clone) that wanders this neighborhood that I now live in.  I've seen at least one of the bears, but wouldn't you know it, there's never a camera around to snap a pic.  And the stupid bear won't wait for me to go get one.  He's like the Houdini of bears when it comes to grabbing a camera.  One minute there, then...POOF!!!  Gone when you get the camera.

    Maybe it's me, but the thought of going outside, after dark (cause the bear stays away during the day) scares the living shit outta me.  I have bad visuals of my face being eaten off by this bear for no better reason than I went to my car and the bear decided, "Is she provoking me?  I think she is.  I'll eat her face."  Yep, that's what bears think.  Doubt me?  Come ask it.

    So maybe I'm bieng a bit paranoid, since no one in the neighborhood has had any problems worse than having their garbage cans overturned and trash scattered down the street.  I think it's a healty paranoia (one that might keep me alive) since, where I'm from, we don't have to deal with bears.  Maybe a rabid opossum or pissed off skunk.  Or stupid raccoons.  There was that one time the rouge turtle wandered into my yard, but I'm pretty sure he was just drunk and lost and he was easily delt with.

    Anyway, I thinnk the scariest thing about the whole bear business is the laws that protect it as "wildlife."  I mean it is wildlife, but it's roaming the suburbs.  Does that really still count?  The laws leave humans that take up residence in the houses open to harm.  The rangers keep coming out and trapping it and taking it away, but it keeps coming back.  Cause that's what bears do.  And apparently, after a while, not only do they come back but they clone themselves for maximum garbaging.

    The laws say you are not allowed to take action against the bear until/unless it maims you.  (This is my translation.)  Like...I don't know...eating your face off.  They tell you ("They" being the Department of Fish and Game) not to provoke it.  Well, no fucking shit!!!  But who the hell knows what a bear views as provocation?  I know what I think of as provocation, but I'm not a bear.  I'm from the city.  I don't know about bears.  I know about bunnies.  As I said eairlier, a bear could be like, "She's looking at me.  Get her!!!"

        All in all it is my goal to get rid of the bear(s).  And do it while avoiding jail time (cause that's what happens if you hurt it without getting maimed first).  And to avoid being hurt in the process.  And maybe get a new rug out of the whole mess.  Who knows.  However, if you read a story about a girl in Florida who got eaten by a bear while trying to get a pic of it...well, it was nice knowing all of you.

    P.S.  Having a bear roam the neighborhood does cut down on crime in the area and saves on having to buy security alarms.  See there's a plus side.  I'm looking into getting a sticker for my car (to go next to the NRA one) that says, "Protected by ADT LIVE BEAR SECURITY SYSTEM."
12/11/2011 12:44:53 pm

Thats bear-ly (read:barely) a problem. Here where i live in India, in rural areas there is a problem of cows. Not even cows in plural but mostly singular, A COW. Sometimes you see one in the middle of a road, and you know how the cow is a hay chewing, introspective, judgmental slow animal, when you honk, it just turns and looks at you without moving. Phew! you better not have a cow in your way when you are already 5 mins late to office!

12/11/2011 12:47:47 pm

Thats bear-ly (read:barely) a problem. Here where i live, in India, sometimes you have a cow come in your way. And you know how the cow is a hay chewing, introspective, judgmental,slow animal. When you honk, it slowly turns its chewy head towards you and look at you in a condescending manner.You hope you dont find a cow when you are already 5 mins late for work!

12/11/2011 03:43:16 pm

Now cows I can handle. Where I was living a few months ago we had them right down the road. While I will admit you are right, you do NOT want them in the way when running late, they also don't eat your face off. Or have laws protecting them in case they viciously attack someone. (Although personally I would love to be in the room when someone is telling a story about how a cow maimed them.)

nice usage of bear-ly, by the way. XD


Leave a Reply.