So about 2 years ago my ex-boyfriend and I ended our relationship.  (Ok, I ended it.)  When he moved out he went to a place where his bird (cockatiel) was not welcome.  Having a soft spot for animals, I told him he could leave the bird with me until he got his own place.

I now own a bird.

While dating said ex-boyfriend I used to get very upset that the bird was kept in the kitchen (a room no one ever went in).  I now know why it was kept there and why he never came to claim it.

This is the loudest, most obnoxious, most irritating bird I have EVER met.  All day he taps on the cage.  He does this other thing, that I'm pretty sure is him taking a metal cup to the bars of the cage.  As soon as you turn on a light he tweets/screeches at what I can only describe as volume 11 levels.  (Anyone who has seen Spinal Tap will understand that.  If you don't get it, you need to watch Spinal Tap.)  He chitters and whistles constantly.  I seriously think the bird is afraid of exploding if he is quiet because often he is so loud and excited he sounds like he's freaking out because he has a bomb strapped to his chest.  No matter how many insults or threats I hurl at him (like that I'm going to fry him or feed him to the bear) he will NOT be quiet!  I don't think he has the ability.

And, yes, I am aware that I am referring to him as Bird.  He has a name (Petey), but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know it.  If he could talk (thank the Goddess he can't) he would probably tell you his name is SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!


A lot of ppl have asked me, "Why don't you just get rid of it?"  My response?  Because it's my bird.  I don't have a better one than that.  We have bonded.  I will fully admit that, while I have a soft spot for animals, I am not an "animal lover."  That is to say, I'm not on a quest to save all animals.  I do not agree with animal abuse or treatment, while at the same time I do believe in animal experimentation.  (I would also like to state that I TOTALLY agree with stupid human experimentation.  We could weed out a lot of dingbats that way.  I'm just saying...no one needs stupid ppl.)  I do think of animals as innocents though.  They are what they are.  They run on instinct and what they are taught.  Bad pets come from bad owners.  

Wait...wasn't I talking about the bird?  I believe I derailed.

Anyway, why would I offer to house the fuckhead if I were just going to give him away because he's annoying?  Hell, if that were the way I thought I would never have had a meaningful relationship.

One of the first things D.J. asked, when we figured out I was going to be moving in with him, was, "Do you have to bring the bird?"  (See?  He knew.  He had met the bird before.)  And my answer was, "Yes.  You get me, you get my bird.  It's a package deal."  And it really is.  No matter how much the piece of cat-bait annoys me he has become a part of me and my life.  It's a love hate relationship.  I could just get done yelling for him to be quiet and turn around and deck someone for doing the same.  That's MY bird.  (Only I can be mean to him.)

My intent in writing this just to let you all know...If you see me sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, bald and covering my ears, don't worry.  I'm trying to escape from the bird without killing him.  Or plotting how I really can feed him to the bear.  One of those.

Picture
The asshole bird
Note:  I would like to state here that I was going to go on to tell you all about my very picky, yet quirky, gecko, Climber.  However as of 8:30am, yesterday morning, I watched my poor gecko die.  Ok, it was really Lil Miss's gecko, but I loved her as well.  After a good cry, she was buried and a lil something was said for her.  I will be sad for her loss.  Just like I will when the bird goes.  The gecko liked to bark at me (yes they bark like a dog) and wouldn't drink out of a water dish (you HAD to spray the cage so she could lick the glass.)  She was fussy and very aggressive...just like me.  And I wouldn't have traded her for any other gecko in the world.  I spent all day being depressed and cranky at ppl (cause they were breating my air!).  It's how I grieve.  But I'm better today, so I'm sharing with you, minions.
Picture
R.I.P. Climber the Gecko
Picture
Climber's last resting place
 


Comments

Kathy
12/17/2011 15:59

Awwww I am sorry for your loss Tatiana...I know completely what you say about being a animal lover just not wanting them but end up with them...that is how I got Ricky the cat...he is a pain in the ass!! Always walking along side of me til we get to the kitchen and then he comes in front of me and STOPS!!! Dont know how many times I have stubbled over the little shithead!!! You would think he would learn...I have taught him to sit when I open the door to get the mail tho...lol..so he doesnt go running outside...really but I am pretty sure he thinks he taught me how to give him a treat every day when I open the door and he doesnt run out...but back to the beginning, sorry for the loss I know how I would feel if something happened to the cat...about the bird, do you cover the cage? My cousin had a bird and sometimes it gets so loud and talks talks talks and she put the blanket over it and it thinks it time to sleep and will be quiet..it has to be a blanket to make it dark...just a suggestion...

Reply
12/18/2011 20:05

Oh yeah! I cover the cage, turn out the lights...you name it. Short of tranqualizing the dang thing, it won't shut up. If you cover the cage it just thinks it has to be louder so you can hear it because apparently if he can't see you you can't hear him.

As far as the gecko...thanks for the condolences. No matter how annoying the bird is, I will mourn him just like the gecko. Or that evil dog I had. That one took a LONG time and I'm still not ready for a dog. But I found her a nice corner of the garden and as you can see in the pic above, gave her a nice grave marker. Since (technically) she was Lil Miss's I thought it fitting to put the lawn ornament Lil Miss got me over him to mark it. She specifically asked that I put a stick or something down so when she comes to visit she can go to the spot to say her own good-byes. When it comes to stuff like death I try to respect wishes as much as possible. Especially since Lil Miss has dealt with enough loss in the last few months. Me, her cat, now her gecko.

Reply
12/30/2011 09:46

will come back shortly

Reply
01/25/2012 16:16

Nice info dude

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01/26/2012 00:44

Thanks!

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03/21/2012 13:52

good post

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03/24/2012 21:54

Thank you. And thanks for reading it!

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03/28/2012 03:59

good post

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07/12/2012 19:28

Good info dude

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08/16/2012 22:43

THX for info

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